hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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