Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
