Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
