im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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