he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
