At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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