I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
