I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you win again, gameday.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
