If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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