One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
