apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
