my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
