I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
