Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
