chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
