i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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