apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize