she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
