Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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