She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My cat gives me a boner
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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