do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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