Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
