Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
