Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
