At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
