saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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