I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
