I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
