He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize