did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
