it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
