How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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