So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
