Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
