Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
