I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
