Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
