people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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