is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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