U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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