I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i drank out of a bidet.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
