So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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