now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
