i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
