I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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