Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i've created a new STD.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize