Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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