the condom got lost in my hair
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up under a house in Key West
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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