just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
