Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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