the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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