Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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