I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
