i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
