Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
