in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
