Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
