i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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