Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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