I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
