My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
