Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
