i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize