Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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