...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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