God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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