Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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