I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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