from now on my penis is your penis
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize