Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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