I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
