then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
