Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
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