There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
