paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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