I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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