i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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