Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
