im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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