Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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