So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
