Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
