Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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