sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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