Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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