highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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