she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
