You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize