if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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