Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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