omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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