You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
