Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
