you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
