apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize