dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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