I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
