sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
