I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
