Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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