The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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