Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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