well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
