Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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