I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
