My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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