i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
