If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
