he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize