I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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