is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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