btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my liver is dry heaving
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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