it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
