Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
