This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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